Sunday, July 28, 2013

Iron? What's an iron?

You mean that super stuff in spinach, right?

I was never super at laundry.  I got it done but when I was growing up, we never really got into the habit of sorting out and putting away our clothes.  We washed them, dried them - both in the machines of course! - then left them in the hamper to be folded, or more correctly, to be rifled through.  It would sit upstairs between the rooms and be approached in the morning for a socks, underwear, that missing t-shirt or those comfy jeans.  Even if they were folded by someone else, we would rarely claim our respective batches and just take what we needed for the day.  Horribly lazy, I know!

I'm sure if my mom or dad were reading this, they'd either be laughing at us pretty hard or hitting up another page to avoid painful memories.

Now that I'm a wife and a mom, you'd think I'd get into a better habit of getting it all done.  Um, not really!  What is really helpful to our household but not so much for me forming a habit is my husband's desire for tidiness and getting things done, so he gets to the laundry before I do.

I used to feel really bad about it but we've had a good number of discussions as we keep discovering and re-discovering what our respective strengths are.  I am good at cooking, he is good at cleaning.  I am good at making sure our clothes don't shrink, he is good with folding and sorting.  I am good at keeping the kids happy, he is good at keeping all of us on time.  Or at least, less late.  =P

I still have to keep fighting that shadow of shame that keeps lurking around my shoulder.  Can't I do better?  Can't I just get it all together?  Well, of course I can!  But I have to keep reminding myself that I would sacrifice other things in the process and we have both come to prioritize keeping our emotional and mental health rather than a really tidy home.  This doesn't mean I'm not striving to be better but I have to recognize my own boundaries and limitations (check out Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud).  I have to remember that while other people are great where I am not-so-great, I have my areas of awesomeness too.  And I'm reminded every time I'm rewarded with a super smile from one - or both! - of my kids, or I hear Derek sing out the entire Thomas & Friends Roll Call song (every word, although enunciation is a different issue!), or see Kristen reach out to hug her brother (maybe it was an arm spasm, who knows, but in my books it was a hug!).

How about you? What goals and expectations have you had to let go of?  What aspects of your home life, couple life and personal life are you prioritizing?  What advice would you have for other moms and dads to manage the chaos?

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Dissipating the brain fog

What, two in one day!  Yeah, that's me being really passionate about not leaving kids in the car for a food injection of any kind.  The previous post was a venting session, after which I realized I didn't provide any practical points.  So, here are some of my suggestions for parents when we're hunting for our own fueling to dissipate the brain fog, in no particular order.

1. Know where your drive-thrus are.  Inevitably you'll realize you didn't bring a lunch or didn't eat enough (my usual dilemma) or won't have time to make something when you get home.  Get to know your McD's and Harveys, Timmies and KFC's within a 10-minute diameter of your home and along usual routes to work/babysitters/grandma's/wherever.  There are also Starbucks drive-thrus, which I got to know well enough last summer (ugh that was an ordeal, but a story for another post).  If you have the Starbucks app, you should be able to find them, just please wait for a red light if you're driving or just pull over for a bit to check. =)

2. Know your power foods.  These are foods that are healthy, stave away the hunger and help keep your blood sugar at a decent level without needing a whole lot.   What I started doing was carrying around almonds with me.  They are a great source of protein and a handful can carry you through quite nicely.  Toss them in a Ziploc bag or store them in a small container.  Pop some Smarties in your mouth along with the almonds for a truly raw DIY choco-almond mix.  Other power foods are anything whole wheat or multi-grain, digestive cookies, bananas,  and nuts in general. Yogurt is great too but requires refridgeration.  If I'm fairly certain I'll be having it in the next 2 hours, I'll bring it with me.

3. Use instant in a pinch.  I haven't had to use these yet but I keep packs of Starbucks Via in my purse and baby bag.  They can be fairly discreet and in the summer there are ice coffee versions available (i.e. hot water not required, any temperature will do).  There are also the new Via Refreshers to try for those who don't want a caffeine jolt, just a pick-me-up.



Some tips on the above:

a) Our kids may want what we have/get so consider for at least 5 seconds how you'll handle that. Can you share your food or should you order something separately for them?  Will this spoil their next meal?  How much can you give them?  I can usually appease my son with a fry at a time if I have to.

b) If anything, we usually think about the kids' whining hunger pangs first, so when packing up their snack, pack something for yourself as well.

c) Have some bottles of water in the trunk for general hydration and for easy use of the instant drinks.  Or alternatively, for the caffeine-averse, keep some juice packs in the trunk.

How about you? Any tips and tricks to share?  How do you deal with emergency food needs on the go?

It's not worth the latte

We've already heard of the recent deaths from children being left in baking hot cars this summer and the "real" summer temps only just began three weeks ago.  As for parents forgetting their children in the car - it's a horrible possibility that haunts every parent, or at least this one.  When rushing from one place to another I'm actually more paranoid of leaving a child at a previous site than in the car but either way its the same: We're sleep-deprived, going about our day and focus on the details surrounding our little loved ones that sometimes we may forget about those little loved ones themselves.

It hasn't happened to me but I can imagine, just like this mom did with her 10-day-old while also caring for her 18-month-old.  Being in a fog already with a 6-month-old and a 31-month-old, I can't imagine being 10 days postpartum with another kid under two years who is unable to communicate sufficiently with words and may be feeling a tad out of sorts with a new being taking up its parental resources.

What I can't imagine, however, is how a parent in good conscience leave his or her child(ren) in the car while s/he runs inside to get food or coffee, like this father did.  He essentially traded his 9-month-old daughter for a subway sandwich (assumption made based upon his intention to buy food at Home Depot).  Isn't there a McDonald's close enough to drive-thru? Haven't we all had sufficient experiences with cars in the summer to know that even a brief run-in to a store allows for the car to heat up to an uncomfortable level, which we deal with by blasting the air conditioning?  Children in the back don't have that option, never mind that they don't have the keys to even turn on the air conditioner if they could.  If you'd like to see just how hot things can get, check out the experiment of this Hamilton reporter.  Let's just say that he wasn't allowed to stay the allotted 30 minutes of the experiment, and even then it was a questionable length of time.

"But I keep the car running," some might say.  "The air conditioner is on so I can run in for a few minutes."

So let me get this straight.  You have left your precious cargo, which either you or your spouse or someone carried for 9 months in the womb, then nursed to thrive and survive in this world, in a car with the keys in the ignition, running, for some passerby to swoop up?  A car thief isn't going to politely leave your kids on the sidewalk, and even if they did, that action is still a better testimony for the thief than the parent.

I remember working at Starbucks where this particular location was at the end of a strip mall.  Parking was decent but we still got those uber-impatient people who would park right outside the door and run in to get their coffee.  I'm sorry, I don't care what rush you're in, that's just plain rude.  Not every customer will be able to do that and you're blocking the road that's supposed to allow 2-way parking while creating a blind corner for other drivers to turn into or turn from.  I don't understand how your bad time management must become an inconvenience and hazard to pure strangers.

That's just getting me started.  What really makes my blood boil are those parents who park their cars right outside the door and dart inside to grab their latte leaving their kids inside.  Car running or not, summer or winter, spring or fall, you've just traded your the safety of your kid(s) for your drink.  Is it really that necessary?  Not the caffeine jolt, the abandonment of children for the caffeine jolt.  If said jolt is truly needed, sacrifice taste for a Timmies coffee or McD's (Higgins & Burke ain't that bad!).  And if you know me, that's a big thing to say!  I love my Starbucks but I love my kids more.

Just please, don't leave your kids in the car.  Should anything, God forbid, happen to your children while your "run in real quick", you'll never forgive yourself and lattes will never taste the same again.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Proper Childcare: Your kids are worth it

If you haven't heard the news already, a child died while in the care of a daycare run out a home in Vaughan, Ontario.  Initial investigations easily show that the home care was in violation of overcrowding and was not licensed.  The story can be read here.

Having worked in a field regarding the welfare of children, I may seem hyper-vigilant to the average person about keeping my child safe in general.  This isn't to say I don't have my moments ("Yes, let the kids play tag on a granite floor!") but I am inwardly so paranoid about certain situations that I do take extra measures to ensure my kids are okay.

For example, whenever I put the kids into the car, I leave their door(s) open until I've packed up everything else and have only to get into the car myself.  My fear: If something were to happen to me before I got into the car, would anyone know my kids were inside?  They may just try to help me out but in the chaos of everything not bother to look into the car.  This doesn't eliminate the possibility but it sure does increase the chances of my kids being looked after were calamity to come upon me.  Small chances, I know, but it's a small bit to do to prevent my children potentially dying from heat in the summer or being left for who knows how long.

But back to child care.  There are so many things to look after as a parent that verifying that the daycare with open spots is sound feels like a fence keeping one from moving on with the next stage of life.  However, given the recent tragedy and the scare of escaped toddlers in Markham two years ago, due diligence is more than just ticking off boxes on a checklist but a matter of life and death - the life and death of the life one helped bring into this world and nurture to become a thriving being and will hopefully become a vibrant person giving back to society, and just being another amazing gift God has given to a family to enjoy.

It's a bit of chicken and egg, I guess: Need to find daycare so I can work, but need to work to afford daycare and our life in general, but I can't work if I don't have someone to watch my kids...... I'm caught in that crossfire myself.  At this moment, though, I'd rather stay home than place my kids in the care of someone I only sort of know and only sort of trust because their place looks kid-friendly enough and all the other kids there are smiling.  Okay, it's not that simple, but given all the unlicensed day cares still running, we have to assume that parents are not digging deep enough to see if the facilities are set up to handle taking charge of little ones, never mind that many little ones.

I don't think I'm making myself very clear as I'm pretty tired right now, and I'm probably upsetting a good bunch of people, but I hope this post has left enough of a seed for parents ask themselves whether they are doing enough to ensure their children are cared for while they are at work.  Skimming over hard questions is not worth a child getting hurt or worse, dead.  It doesn't matter if you know them or how long they've been running things.  There's a reason why licenses expire and checks are made.  Aren't reviews done at a workplace too of those with greater seniority? Longevity doesn't automatically mean trustworthy.  And if you know the person, due diligence can be awkward, but how much worse would the relationship be if something were to go wrong while your child was in his/her care?

If you're not sure what to look for, I'd say check out "my Plan to Protect Pocket Guide" for a starting point.  Yes, it's more about abuse prevention but it will help parents consider factors such as adult-child ratios, washroom procedures, emergency policies, etc.

If you're still not convinced about looking deeper into a facility's soundness (is that a word?), consider how much time may be spent when looking for a new car or buying a home or purchasing new furniture.  The same amount of time and effort should be put into researching child care, if not more!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Just checking in. Sorry it's been awhile!

My wonderful husband booked a one-night stay at White Oaks (Niagara-on-the-Lake) through TravelZoo for my birthday and I sort of lost my rhythm in preparation for that and afterwards as well.  Kristen came with us, of course, and we weren't able to enjoy all the sights and eats as fully as we normally would but hey, that's what happens when you have kids right?  The fact that we were able to get away for a night - after a month from our long-awaited 2-night vacation! - was a feat in and of itself.  No complaints at all here!

But that left me a bit thrown schedule-wise and in some ways I feel I haven't gotten back on my feet quite yet.  Coming back was like trying to play catch-up instead of enjoying the remnants of relaxation.  As such, I felt it would be irresponsible to blog while there was still much to do!  And to be honest, I'm really not motivated to do chores.  Long story short, I was never trained or disciplined to do them when younger but I can do them fairly well once I get going.  Not an excuse, just stating the fact.  I've been trying to work on that ever since we got our own place but there was always something that stalled be.  Again, not an excuse, as others would just see that as a difficulty thrown into the mix rather than being thrown for a loop, but just stating that this is where I am.  I'm trying to plow through though but honestly, it's not that easy being your own cheering team!  Husband is great but being one of those "Duh just get the job done! Isn't the tidiness reward enough??" people, he doesn't quite know how to get me clicking.

Anyhoo, this wasn't supposed to be a session to simply spill my guts (though some of you may have enjoyed that!  I'd love to hear from some empathizers....), just to check in and say hello!  I haven't forgotten to post things and will hopefully do so soon.  Tomorrow will hopefully be a day with pockets of time.  OH!! One exciting thing is that I'll be getting my hair cut tomorrow!  I'm a bit nervous as I've never been to this place but I had $30 Groupon bucks to apply towards this deal so why not?  I'll post back to let you know if I was able to find a satisfactory wash-and-go-yet-still-styleable cut for my oily-prone fine straight hair.  =D