People Actually DO Read My Blog!!

Okay, okay, that's just a pure Yay Me I'm So Awesome annoying title, but I just wanted to say thanks to those who read, even the blips that you do (according to the stats I see, more than half my visitors linger for 20 second or less). Of course, I much more appreciate those who have actually read the posts and I've received a few replies about the last post on perfectionism. I hope it's helped some people out to at least consider what their stumbling blocks might be and know that there is help out there, there's nothing wrong with you, you just need to understand how you're wired and how to deal with it. I mean, isn't that what we do with other people - co-workers, family members, friends, our kids? We get to know what makes them tick and what triggers them and work with who they are.

The issue may be that it takes some pride-swallowing to admit we may not know everything about ourselves, and that talking to a professional may be warranted. I've seen this happen in physical ailments as well. It wasn't until I hurt a lot from my first pregnancy that I saw professional treatment as an important part of my health so I don't suffer further pain. It may not erase it, but if I have access to help, why not use it so I can be a better version of myself?

So after this first session (next week is my next one), I've felt less guilty, even tho I haven't done more. I'm not saying I feel great, but I do feel less of a weight on my shoulders, and that may be my first step towards being better.

On a separate note, no one voted on what song Derek came home singing! Ah well, I'll unleash this earworm onto you all anyway. May this enhance your groove this Monday, even as you roll your eyes to this cheesy 90s hit.

CAVEAT!! I'm posting the original video, which is fairly...well, there is a lot of flesh being flashed. But that's the juxtaposition for me when I hear the chorus of this song coming out of my 4-year-old's mouth! I know it was used in Madagascar but for me, this was a song which encouraged raunchiness, misogyny and just plain rudeness. For a deeper Monday thought, have you considered how you will be exposing your children to the lyrical content and intent of songs they hear?

Wanting, But Not Getting, Things Done

I thought I was just a procrastinator. I can usually pull off things at the last minute and still do a satisfactory job. Or, I stay up late (like I am right now - it's 3:20am) and suffer the consequences in the morning. Yeah, not the coolest way to live.

Especially as a mom! There are so many things to do (like my kid's lunch... dang, just realized I forgot that!!) and procrastinating just makes it worse. And these are things that I want to do. I mean, I don't love doing chores but I like seeing things completed and done well. And yet I put things off, filling my time with Facebook and Huff posts and whatever Buzzfeed is feeding me that day.

In November I hit a low. I realize now that it was a combination of less help (my mother-in-law was on vacation and she usually watches my older one for a night or two a week - so helpful!), the mundane routine due to less flexibility in the schedule, the increasingly shorter days and colder weather, and hormones getting into the mix. We confirmed in December that we're pregnant with our third - yay chaos!! - and I'm sure the cocktail of chemicals let loose did not help me.

I realized I needed help. Not hire-a-maid help, which would definitely be helpful, but something inside of me felt broken and needed fixing. I pondered throughout December and decided in January that I would go seek counselling. I've done so before when I hit a wall during my studies at Tyndale and it helped a lot to have a third party to talk to.

I am so glad I decided to go. I've had my first appointment already and tearily vented my frustration with being unproductive, overwhelmed, depressed, wanting relief, wondering why I couldn't just get things done, wondering why I was always escaping. What the counsellor suggested is that I might be a perfectionist.

What?? But aren't perfectionists people who get things done?? If you walk through the current state of my home, I am nowhere near that. However, it's my need for wanting things "just so" which keeps me from starting sometimes. I'd rather fail at starting than fail at the project or task itself. Reflecting on that statement, it's so true that I have to laugh at how silly it sounds, and yet it really is a problem, especially when, as a parent, there are so many things that need to get done, never mind started!!

I just wanted to share this because i'm sure there are many parents out there who are perfectionists. I hope to share more of my journey with you so you know that you're not alone and that you're not messed up. You just need to understand how your wired and work it out to your advantage. I tackled being wired as an introvert during my first maternity leave and that was so liberating. I can't wait to see what I learn about perfectionism and how I can get unstuck!

I've yet to have my second appointment but in the mean time, I've been recommended to read Never Good Enough by Monica Ramirez Basod. It's available on bookoutlets.ca for a very discounted price and if you pick up a few other books for your kids, the shipping is worth the cost.

So that explains a bit as to why my posts are few and far between. Not excusing, just explaining. I wait for the perfect time, the perfect mindset, the perfect topic, yadda yadda... right now, I just yelled "Carpe diem!" - well, really, "Carpe noctem!", considering the hour - and really, yelled in my head, since the kids are asleep - and just started typing this post. I'm proud of myself for getting this out. I'm not proud of myself for procrastinating on the night's chores and getting less sleep for the 3rd night in a row, but let's try to stay on the positive side of things, eh?

And how, to check off another item on my list and make my kid's lunch. =) Better late tonight than rushed tomorrow!

The All-important...First Post

Well, not really my first post. I was tinkering around on Wordpress (and have been for 8 months - that's how undecided I am!!) and am 95% sure I'll stick with Blogspot. I like the overall flexibility and will just have to learn some html to clean things up. If anyone wants to be my volunteer sidekick for this position, let me know!

So below is my first (and only) post from the Wordpress site, which is/was called Zombie to Mom-Me. I wanted to originally focus on hair and makeup things that I do to go from blah to... well, less blah, haha. Buuuut... I'm feeling the pressure of being a how-to site and lately, I've been going through feelings of depression and inadequacy. I just started seeing a counsellor to deal with these things - yesterday's first meet was really helpful! - so I may be able to actually post up some real how-to's. Or at least what-I-do's. Maybe that's what I'll call them!

This means this blog will change as well. As much as I want to be that cool person with all the helpful hints (which I truly believe is in there somewhere), I need to just be the person who's willing to speak up first. Hopefully along the way you'll find some coolness. Either way, I'd love to hear from you, comments or email. Yes, I'm asking for encouragement! Just hearing from someone is wonderful, so long as you aren't mean. If you're being mean, move on out. Please. With a very nice cherry on top. =D

Here we go...

Yay! Welcome to my blog! It's gonna be great! It's gonna be fun! We're going to have a baby-wonderful time! Or a mommy-wonderful time! Or a me-wonderful time! I'll fill you in on tons of tips and tricks to be the most amazeballs mom you can be with the posts of my amazeballs ideas and moments.

In between, however, I'll be posting about the days I don't want to get out of bed, or I'd like to quietly exit the front door while my kids are eating lunch and make a run for it*, or I'd spend too much time on Facebook (is that every day?), or I'm perusing the take-out menus - again! - yet begrudgingly put them back, or I'm staring at the week-old crumbs under the table (yep, you read that right, week-old).

First post - amazeballs!

You'll more likely get the latter rather than the former, but as I've read somewhere, our lives are not to be made of the mountain-highs but of the valley-mundane activities that allow us to have and appreciate the mountain-highs. This is why I've created this blog, to remind me to treasure both. If it helps others be a bit more cheerful, if only because they commiserate (or perhaps they're laughing at me instead?), then that's a great side bonus. I've delayed the start of this blog because I've wondered too much about what kind of readers I'd like to attract and what will bring up stats on my blog. I'm doing this for me, and if you'd like to join, you're very much welcome! Even if you're laughing at me, so long as you give me a virtual hug while doing so. Judgey Judgersons and Wet Blankets can move on to the next amaze-balls blog and boost their numbers instead.

And so this is it, the end of the all-important First Post. Tune in for the next post where I share a bit more about who I am. May it not sending you running away and have you hanging around for at least one more post. =)

*Of course this is said in fun; please don't take this seriously and call CAS on me! You'll come to find I'm one of the most paranoid moms out there regarding my kids and would never, ever, leave them unattended. 

Kids sing the darndest things...

So Derek was picked up by Grandma today and as he waltzed (stomped) through the door in his dancing shoes (snow-covered boots), he was singing a song that hearkened back to my high school days. The nineties. A song I relate to x-nayed gyrations encouraged at the 4-room school dance that was one of Bayview Secondary's finest nights.

For fun, I invite you to pick what song he was happily grooving to. Just try to imagine him with any of these songs without laughing. I dare you. Dare you!!

I'm trying to set up the poll within this post, but in the mean time, please check it out in the right menu!

*update* No one's voted! 29 visits and not one vote! Please look to the menu on the right, towards the top. I would love to see what other people imagined my 4-year-old to be singing!